She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
