my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
