Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
