I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
The uberlube is also flammable
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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