i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
