Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
