did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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