A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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