so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
