Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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