Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
