Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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