Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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