In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
