summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
