My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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