Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
