Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
