I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
