I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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