Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
