remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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