Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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