don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
