Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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