Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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