Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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