you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
