He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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