my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
