drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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