My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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