youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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