Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
