she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
