If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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