For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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