Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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