she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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