I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
