Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize
