The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
