i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
