I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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