that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
