What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
