I think I died a long time ago.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
