At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
