I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
