my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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