my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
