omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
