after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I forget how to act sober
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